Death, Taxes, And The Cowboys Choking In The Playoffs

How bout them Cowboys? As Eagles fans, we have had very little to be happy about lately. They are 1-5 since the start of December and have done barely anything right. They are in the playoffs, but you won't find very many people who feel good about their chances against the Bucs. But if anything is going to lift the spirits of Eagles fans, it is the annual choke job by the Cowboys in the playoffs.

Despite being massive home favorites, they got blown out by the Packers. Dak Prescott threw multiple picks, and the Packers ran/threw all over their "vaunted" defense. The game was pretty much over by halftime. The Cowboys had an outside chance to come back after they scored to end the half. But then they settled for a FG to start the 2nd half and then allowed the Packers to score right afterward, and it was never a game again. The Packers wound up winning 48-32. And that final score doesn't show just how bad of a beatdown this really was. The Cowboys scored two TDs after the game was pretty much over.

It is the one thing NFL fans can count on every year. The Cowboys will always choke in the playoffs. And they usually do it in hilarious fashion. There was the weird final play last year with Zeke playing center. There was Dak Prescott letting the clock run out after a QB Draw. Back in the day, it was Tony Romo botching the hold on a kick. The Cowboys don't just lose, they do so in the most embarrassing way every single year. And this time they decided not to embarrass themselves late in the game, they embarrassed themselves all game long.

We dont exactly have a lot of room to talk as Eagles fans. For all we know the Eagles will get beat just as badly tomorrow night. But at least we know that we won't have to hear "We Dem Boyz" until next season. The local Cowboys trolls will go into hibernation for a few months before they convince themselves next year is their year all over again.

And now, if the Eagles do win, they will get to play the Lions or Rams, instead of the 49ers. With how they have been playing, it might not matter. But it makes the potential path a bit easier. If the Rams win, the Eagles will even get a home game in the 2nd round. Beating the Bucs is far from a given. 27 hours from now we may be just as miserable as Cowboys fans. But at least we know that our misery would have company.

I will leave you with this amazing graphic courtesy of Jimmy Kempski.

Cowboy fans are one of the most obnoxious types of people in the world. Let me rephrase that, Cowboys fans who are not from Texas are one of the most obnoxious types of people in the world. The people who live in Dallas are just like every fan. But if you grew up in Philly, or New York, or any other NFL city, then decided to root for the Cowboys, it speaks to poor character.

It shows that you actively want the people around you to be miserable. One of the best parts of fandom is being able to share it. When the Eagles won the Super Bowl, I celebrated with my family, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. But when the Cowboys win, these people can't celebrate with anyone. They just sit in their dark and lonely living room screaming "We dem boyz" to no one.

With that said, they rarely ever win anything important nowadays. It has been 28 years since they last won a Super Bowl. But that isn't even the worst of it. They haven't even been in an NFC Championship game in that time. Even in the years they are "good", they still lose in the first or 2nd round. The Cowboys choking in the playoffs every season is as reliable as death and taxes. You could write a book about the NFL in the past 20+ years, and hardly mention the Cowboys, because they have become mostly irrelevant.

But while the Cowboys have not won in that time, lots of other stuff has happened. There have been 5 presidents, 11 Harry Potter movies, and dozens of Marvel movies. But that is just scratching the surface. because a lot more has happened since they last accomplished anything important.

Not only were DVDs not a readily available piece of technology the last time the Cowboys won a Super Bowl, but they also became obsolete in that same time.

DVDs were invented in Japan in 1996. But they didn't make their way over to the United States until March of 1997 after the Cowboys won. And they didn't really pick up steam as the way to store films, videos, and music until the 2000s. Meaning every single Cowboys Super Bowl was originally stored on VHS, not a DVD.

It's been so long now though, DVDs aren't even a thing. Blu Rays replaced them when it comes to Physical media for film and TV. But more importantly, most things are digital now. Whether it be music, film, tv series, or even video games for many people. Physical media is becoming less and less of a thing as people opt for the convenience of just buying it digitally.

Think about that. DVDs were a huge step forward in technology. But not only did they not exist the last time the Cowboys won, but it's been so long it went back around to them not existing anymore. Doesn't that make you feel good Cowboys fan?

Unless you lived in Japan, you didn't know what Pokemon was when the Cowboys last won a Super Bowl. The popular franchise first debuted in Japan in 1996. But it was not until 1998 that Nintendo started to promote them in the States. Soon enough we had games, trading cards, anime, and more, and it all took the United States by storm.

Since then 122 different Pokemon-related games have been released. 9 generations of the main games series. But also tons of spinoffs. There were console games, the Mystery Dungeon Games, Pokemon Go, Pokemon Snap games, and so much more.

There have also been 25 series of the main anime series. A few spinoff anime series, multiple generations of the trading cards, 23 animated films, and one live-action film. The point is, there has been a lot of Pokemon. And outside the original 2 games in Japanese, and the Japanese Manga, all of it was released after the Cowboys' last Super Bowl.

The average NFL player is about 26 years old. It has been nearly 28 years since the Cowboys won. So that means the majority of players in the NFL today, were not even born the last time the Cowboys won. Jalen Carter was -5 years old the last time the Cowboys won. Jalen Hurts, Joe Burrow, and Josh Allen are all younger than the Cowboys' last Super Bowl.

It is something David Akers pointed out, to a chorus of boos, when he announced the Eagles' draft pick of Dallas Goedert at the draft in Dallas.

That was in 2018. There have been 5 drafts since then. 5 more generations of players who weren't alive the last time the Cowboys won the Super Bowl. Every year that number of players grows, as older guys retire, and more young players enter the league.

It feels like that after Tamagotchis' first came over in the States, pretty much everyone had one. Now 26 years after their US Debut, almost every single one of them is dead. Mine didn't make it until the next day. The average life span was 12 days. But some people actually managed to crack the code and keep them alive for a long time.

But every Tamagotchi lived and died in the same era as the Cowboys' Super Bowl drought. The same goes for Furbies, but I don't think anyone is mourning the death of those creepy things.

Do you know how old the Cowboys' last Super Bowl was? The last time they won, it was impossible to google Cowboys Super Bowl. Google wasnt founded until 1998. Now it is hard to envision life without having Google at our fingertips. I don't even have to remember it has been almost 28 years since the Cowboys' last Super Bowl win because I can just ask Google.

There was no social media the last time the Cowboys won. No AOL Instant Messenger, which came out the next year. No Myspace, which was still 7 years from being launched. Certainly, none of the Social Media we still use today.

Cowboys fans had to actually pick up the phone, and either call someone or use the primitive version of text messaging available on cell phones back then if they wanted to brag to someone they know about the Cowboys winning. The people who did have cell phones probably didn't have flip phones by the way, because they were invented a month before the Cowboys Super Bowl.

It's almost like Social Media came around just in time for people to use for mocking Cowboys fans after their team loses.

And finally, and most importantly, there have been just 5 playoff wins by the Cowboys in that time. Never more than 1 in a single season. 27 years, no Championship games, and just 5 wins in games that truly matter. The Eagles have 16 in that time, and 7 conference championship games. The Cowboys have been mostly irrelevant in those 27 years. It is not just that they haven't won Super Bowls, they have barely been in any important games. You could write the story of the NFL in the 21st century and leave the Cowboys out of it entirely. That is how irrelevant they are.