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The Top 25 Places Kyle Schwarber’s Home Run Probably Landed

Placeholder Shilloutte User Image By Connor Thomas

Tuesday night, the Philadelphia Phillies took down the San Diego Padres in Game 1 of the NLCS thanks to some unbelievable pitching by Zack Wheeler and a couple of important home runs from Bryce Harper and Kyle Schwarber. Harper’s was an opposite field shot that carried the fence by a couple rows, but Schwarber’s was one of the hardest balls hit in the history of human existence, the longest in the 18 year history of Petco Park. It elicited some amazing reactions from the players in the dugout and numerous Phillies fans on social media that are worth checking out. We have all of the advanced analytics on the 120mph, 488 foot blast, and yet, no one’s quite sure where it exactly landed. Here are some of the most likely places the mammoth blast ended up:

  • • Jupiter

  • • On top of Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas

  • • Joe Girardi’s back yard

  • • Saturn

  • • Lodged in the International Space System

  • • Ripped a hole in the Time-Space Continuum and ended up back in 1975

  • • Mars

  • • Rob Thomson’s home town of Sarnia, Ontario, Canada

  • • Cooperstown, NY, directly into a display case with a label of “longest home run ever”

  • • Lodged in the head of the inflatable yellow lizard thing of the Galapagos Gang

  • • Mercury

  • • Parts unknown

  • • Over the fence in “The Sandlot” and now property of The Beast

  • • Joe Girardi’s front yard

  • • The Moon

  • • In the bookshelf that Matthew McConaughey gets stuck in in “Interstellar”

  • • Next to Gabe Kapler’s tanning chair in his back yard, knocking over his bottle of coconut oil

  • • McCovey Cove, but from 500 miles away

  • • Venus

  • • On top of the scoreboard at Wrigley Field, where Schwarber’s last postseason homer still sits

  • • The Louvre, stuck directly between the Mona Lisa’s eyes after breaking the bullet proof glass

  • • The Rocky Steps

  • • Neptune

  • • On Pandora, the fake planet from the 2009 blockbuster “Avatar”

  • • In an Olive Garden in Warren, Michigan, directly in Joe Girardi’s bowl of minestrone soup, ruining his meal and soaking all of his endless breadsticks

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